When managing down or managing up doesn’t produce the desired results…

What if, notwithstanding all your efforts, the collaboration with a colleague or with your boss turns out to be very difficult – and doesn’t produce the desired results? In this newsletter we share one of the most powerful leadership phrases to successfully handle such situation.

Perhaps you recognize the situation of George. He was getting frustrated with the performance of Sylvia, one of his direct reports. She used to be considered a ‘high flyer’, but recent performance (and results) were not up to her previous high standards anymore. George had some serious discussions with Sylvia, pointing out the issue. To no avail… Results continued to be disappointing…

Or you might be familiar with Oliver’s challenge. He had a hard time with his boss, Hellen. Oliver had many powerful ideas, which he made sure to back up with objective facts & figures. Yet so often Hellen rejected his ideas – without providing convincing arguments for the rejection. Oliver decided to prepare the presentations around his ideas even better. To no avail… Hellen continued to reject many of these…

Let us present to you a ‘magic phrase’, that proved incredibly powerful to George (managing down) and to Oliver (managing up):

Help me help you.

George was reluctant at first to use the phrase, arguing that his direct report wasn’t up to the job if she wasn’t able to solve her problems herself.
Oliver became very agitated when we suggested the phrase, explaining he WAS already helping his boss– SHE was the one not to notice it…
And yet – “help me help you” was the phrase we suggested: clearly their current approach wasn’t working; and they had not (yet) decided to stop the collaboration with the other party. As long as that was the situation, THEY had a challenge: find a more effective way towards enhanced results…

Help me help you.

A simple phrase in structure, yet so sophisticated in content (if used well…).

On the one hand, it brings back (the lost) positivity to the collaboration:

The phrase allows to convey a couple of very strong messages.

“We both want the same” (= mindset of objectivity)
When the other party notices you seek to achieve mutual satisfaction, not to be a nuisance to them, their apprehension diminishes, and collaboration increases.
“I value your judgment” (= mindset of open mind)
As soon as the other party feels you are truly interested in their opinion, they start opening up. In addition, the likelihood that, in return, they listen to you, increases phenomenally.
“I believe it can work out well” (= mindset of optimism)
People that have faith in a positive outcome take so much more positive action than those that have lost all faith… With “help me help you”, you help create that important ‘faith’ and that positive action.

By promoting objectivity, open mind and optimism – the phrase ‘help me help you’ puts the seeds for a renewed positive collaboration.

On the other hand, it enhances the enrollment and engagement of the other party.

There’s even more strong messages that can be conveyed with “help me help you”:

“You’re in the driving seat” (= mindset of empowerment)
The phrase “help me help you” doesn’t imply the other party isn’t accountable anymore.On the contrary. It’s up to the other party to reflect on and express what will help most to get to satisfactory results!
“Let’s make it a nice experience” (= mindset of fulfillment)
People are at their best when they enjoy what they’re doing. Answering the question “help me help you” allows the other party to get in those powerful conditions. It’s up to them to help create them.
“I am with you on this” (= mindset of teaming)
People are at their best when benefiting from the right support and encouragements. By conveying that that’s what you want to provide, you give a huge boost to the motivation and engagement of the other party.

By promoting empowerment, fulfillment and teaming – the phrase ‘help me help you’ enhances the enrollment of the other party, leading to better results.

Imagine George conveying these messages to the (currently underperforming) Sylvia. She will value his sincere collaboration and support, and go from a position of ‘fear’ and ‘uncertainty’ to a position of ‘resourcefulness’, thus enhancing the chances of reaching the objectives.

Imagine Oliver conveying these messages to his (currently frustrating boss) Hellen. Hellen will feel much more aligned with and understood by Oliver, and will guide Oliver how to better support him – thus enhancing the chances of progressing well together in the future.

Of course – it would have been nice if everything had run ‘smooth’ from the start – and you didn’t need to use this phrase. But when managing up or managing down doesn’t produce the desired results … go for it – and use this magic phrase – while adopting the 6 mindsets above. You’ll find the acceptance, impact and trust-building overwhelming!