True achievers often struggle with the idea of ‘becoming more detached’. Because achievers don’t want to lose their drive. Losing their drive would be losing their identity… or not living up to ‘what they are made for’…
Take Tanguy. Tanguy is an ambitious, achievement oriented partner of a professional services firm. Known for his drive and for his impressive accomplishments. But lately feeling out of his usual peak state. He doesn’t sleep as well as he used to. Ruminates a lot. Has less fun than before. And continuously puts himself in over-drive. His wife has started to worry. And he’s getting somewhat worried himself…
When Tanguy starts his coaching sessions with us, his objective is to become more ‘detached’. But very quickly it turns out he doesn’t really want to be detached: “I need my drive to perform – if I lose my drive, I will lose my style”…
And indeed, his “drive for peak performance” has been his source of reward, recognition, contribution, fulfillment. No wonder he has cultivated and cherished it so much! So much so that, by now, it has become ‘overdeveloped’… In fact, it has become an obstacle to ‘peak performance’, rather than an enabler of it.
The answer is not to ‘completely stop this drive’. It’s just a matter of ‘learning how to bring the cursor back to the right level’. So that he continues to perform – without all the downsides of being in ‘overdrive’…
Here’s the 5 steps we use in our coaching with Tanguy to help him manage his drive more effectively. They might be helpful for you as well.
- Step 1: Learn to recognize the moments of ‘overdrive’
If we are in ‘overdrive’ without realizing it, things go from bad to worse. It’s only when we realize we’re in ‘overdrive’, that we give ourselves the possibility to move to a more effective state of mind.
- Step 2: Be curious and identify what is causing that state of ‘overdrive’
Very often, our overdrive results from a fear that things would not go perfectly well – because of us – which makes us fear deep inside that after all, we are not a ‘super star’… worse even – some people might admire or appreciate us less than before…
- Step 3: Reflect on what would happen if these worries proved true. Would it really be the end?
The ‘worst case scenario’ usually isn’t very flattery for our ‘amour propre’ – in fact, it would feel really bad – but if we truly think about it, deep inside we know that we will always remain true achievers (and thus we will always find our way); and that virtually all those that matter will continue to appreciate us.
- Step 4: Evaluate the cost of being in ‘overdrive’
If we want to get out of ‘overdrive’, it’s crucial that we are really honest with ourselves: what is our overdrive costing us in terms of effectiveness and productivity? What is it costing us in our relationship with those that really matter? In the short term and in the medium or long term? Could it be that our overdrive is creating the situation we so much wanted to avoid?
- Step 5: Identify the best action forward to ‘thrive’
Of course we do not want to abandon on creating results. Of course we want to accomplish things. Here’s a good question to ask ourselves: ‘what’s the best thing I could do (right now) to make great progress on what I want to accomplish, while being the person I want to be?’
Initially Tanguy uses these steps to reflect a posteriori on moments when he WAS in overdrive. The first time, it took some time for him to go through each step. Now he uses them while he IS in overdrive. And it only takes him a minute. Resulting in much more detachment … AND much better results – in all areas of his life.
If you want learn more about how to get yourself or your team in the ‘sustainable peak performance zone’, get in touch to discuss how we can help you!