The idea
No is indispensable whenever you have to stand up for what really matters to you. But how can you turn it into a positive No?
Who will like this book
People who want to (1) be assertive, (2) nourish good relationships and (3) secure continued motivation of the people they say no to.
What we like about the book
- A very good approach
- Very practical examples
- Preparing you for the reactions of others
- Helpful for all types of situations: say no to undesired behaviors of others, say no to impossible requests to you, say no to unhelpful ideas of others
What you will learn in this book
A 3-step approach to get a positive no:
- Step 1: Yes!: positively and concretely describing your core interests and values
- Step 2: No: explicitly link your no to this YES!
- Step 3: Yes?: suggest another positive outcome or agreement to the other person
First check: do I have interest in saying no? Do I have the power? Do I have the right?
Extracts
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« The Power of your no comes directly from the power of your yes – your yes is the underlying purpose for which you are saying no. »
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« Rather than being your enemy, your emotions can become your ally or they can help you uncover your yes. »
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« Your yes offers you a chance to show the other that you are not seeking to reject them personally, but simply trying to protect what is important to you. »
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« You are not responsible for the other’s reaction. You are responsible for expressing your feelings and interests clearly and with respect. »
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« You will not be able to stop the natural sequence (Kubler Ross) of emotions from unfolding. But you can control your own reactions and thus help the other move through their emotions and more easily come to accept your no. »
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TITLE: The Power of a Positive No
AUTHOR: William Ury
William Ury is a negotiator, public speaker, bestselling author, and director of the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University.
PUBLISHER: Bantam, 240 pages (2007)